An Honest Description of Life as a New Mom

Being a mom is the hardest, most beautiful thing I’ve ever done.

Don’t get me wrong… I love being a mom and I will get to all of that soon. But… being a mom is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Probably in part a by-product of the postpartum hormones. But largely because I have always been an intensely emotional person, and being a mom has brought entirely new layers of emotions, and honestly – I’m exhausted.

Firstly, I’m a selfish person. I love my sleep, I love naps – and don’t ever wake me up from a nap unless you are ready to face my furry. But as a mom… sleep? Oh, you mean those sporadic 1-2 hour naps – yeah those are great! And it’s just my reality now; I just don’t have the luxury of sleeping in on Sundays anymore.

Then there are the sweet luxuries of trying a new bottle of wine on a Friday night, and why not opening a second bottle! I really don’t think my entirely breastfeed baby would appreciate the taste of Chianti as much as I do. Which is fine, I get to enjoy a small glass of wine every once and a while, as well as the occasional beer. But honestly, not waking up with a hangover does have its advantages!

Although this may be only 2 small examples of the long list of changes I’ve faced in the past 2 months, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Have you seen my son? Spoiler: he’s perfect.

His dark brown curious eyes are what have been melting my heart recently. He’s awake and aware, and he’s recently started smiling… on purpose!

I’ve never been prouder of myself than how I’ve handled being a mom.  I’ve shown myself a whole new strength I never knew I had. Everything we’ve had to go through since Mason’s birth has been short of extremely stressful. Although I had my moments where I broke down in tears or got impatient with a nurse, or family or friends – I did it. I woke up every 2 hours for the past 2 months to feed my child and put him back to sleep. I’ve changed hundreds of diapers at all hours of the day. Oh and, the puking. I’ve been puked on thousands of times. Side note: If you haven’t seen my baby, he’s 12.9 lbs at 3 months old – don’t worry he’s eating more than enough, and no, he’s not overfed. He’s just like that. Good thing I’ve always loved doing laundry!

So far, everything my family and friends have said about being a mom has been right on point. So when they tell me it will get easier, I believe them.  I’m taking it one day at a time, and spending my day seeing this little boy evolve is just the most incredible thing.

I hope if anything, that he grows up one day, and understands how much I loved him in this very moment while he naps next to me.

Since I’m strong on the “nap while he sleeps rule”, I’m going to go close my eyes. *Refer to part where I explain that I’m selfish about sleep.

Good morning world and goodnight!

Having a Bad Day? Let’s Change That…

Have you ever had one of those days, where everything seemed to go completely wrong?

I started writing this post last week, halfway through what seemed to be the worst day ever. I slept through my alarm… so my morning was off to a great start already. I tried my best to be semi-presentable and rushed to catch my bus. As I left my building, the bus was driving passed me and I ran to catch it… I managed to leap into the largest slush puddle, and got my socks, completely soaked. I missed the bus, and had to walk 15 minutes to the next stop. Finally when I got on my bus, I had the loudest person come sit next to me, blabbing away on their phone. I forgot my headphones back at home, which means it was a torturous commute… Eventually after a 1 hour bus ride, I finally get to work. Of course the first thing on my mind is… COFFEE. I grab a fresh cup, sit at my desk, and I’m sure you can already tell where I’m going with this… I dropped the entire cup on my desk and lap. I remember being stunned and walking away, hiding in the bathroom to let out a few tears. Why is everything going so wrong? Why is this happening to me?

The truth is, and some might disagree, but bad energy brings bad results. Yes, some things are completely out of our control, but what we do have control over is the way we choose to feel about the situation.

If I wasn’t so upset about missing my bus, having to walk, and the fact that my feet were wet and cold, I might not have been so annoyed with the person talking on the phone. And if I wasn’t so upset about all of that I might not have been on edge, and could have avoided spilling my coffee. Listen, I know what I’m saying is easier to accept after the fact. It’s hard to be positive when you’re standing in a cold puddle that’s formed in your boots, or drenched in burning hot coffee. I get it. But sometimes, if we just moved passed those problems, and looked around instead of sulking, we would see all the magic that surrounds us.

Just the other day I was upset because my cellphone died while I was commuting home. As I put my phone away I started to look at the people around me waiting at the bus stop. That’s when I noticed this elderly lady struggle to walk through the mounts of snow with her large grocery bags. These men in suits rushed passed her, I thought to myself “someone should help her… I should help her”… before I could take a step, this young man, maybe 16 years old at the most, stopped her and asked her if she needed help, he grabbed her bags and walked her to the bench inside the bus stop. My eyes filled with water. How lucky I was to witness this moment, how lucky I was that for once, I wasn’t too busy staring at my screen. 

All this to say… I made a list of things to remember, for the next time I accidentally jump in puddles without my rain boots. (Because jumping in puddles can actually be very therapeutic.) 

Accept the Situation

Oh, you spilled your coffee? That really sucks. Are you still alive? Thought so. Clean up, brush it off and make a new cup.

It Could be Worse

Your boss was tough on you today, and you get home all worked up… Move on, you might not always like your job, but at least you have a job.

Force Yourself to Smile

Are you mad? Oh no… You’re furious! You say there’s no way anything can turn your mood around? Really? Please Google “Funny Pugs” and tell me that you don’t feel a little bit better.

This Isn’t Permanent

OKAY FINE. Some days are just so impossible that you can’t move past them… At least find comfort in the fact that no matter how hard it gets, This too Shall Pass (my very wise little sister shared that quote with me).

Superhero Mode

You’re having a really shitty day. Guess what? You’re probably not the only one. Get out of your head, and make someone smile, do something nice. I guarantee it will change your perspective.

 

The Peanut Butter to My Jelly

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Yin to My Yang.”

Today’s Daily Post prompt is, how do you define the term “soulmate”?

I’ve often debated whether soulmates were real. In my mind it was impossible to define, even if you found someone that you loved entirely, what made them your soulmate?

Today I know what it means to find your soulmate. It was in front of me all along – it was so natural to me, that I didn’t realize I was surrounded with people that had found their soulmates.

First, my Grandpa and Nan. They weren’t the touchy-feely kind of couple, but they were obviously in love. I remember my Nan yelling “FRANK!” from the kitchen to let him know that lunch was ready. They watched movies together and they cooked together. They did everything together. My Grandpa would always joke that every time my Nan would touch his computer, she would manage to break something. She still quotes that joke to this day. I know she misses my Grandpa dearly, we all do. It’s practically impossible to suggest that my grand mother should look for someone new to spend her time with – but she said it best, “I don’t need to find someone new, I had my true love, my best friend, that’s all I will ever need.”

Secondly, my Mamie and Papie. The funniest and the most adorable couple you will ever meet. They are the kind of people that still kiss each other every day, hug and hold each other at family gatherings and the kind of couple that still taps each others butts when the other is walking away. I remember being young and saying “I hope I’m in love like they are when I grow up.” They would do anything for each other, and it’s not because they’ve said that specifically, but everything they do, the way they still look at each other – I have no doubt when I look at them that I am looking at two soulmates.

Lastly, my parents. As their child I know their relationship more than most. My parents dream together, set goals together, and attain them. They’ve always worked as a team, and they always confide in each other. They’ve always had each other’s backs, even when I gave them hell as a teenager. They are the best definition of “support system” you could imagine, and honestly if you don’t have that in a relationship, what do you have? They build projects together and give each other endless credit for the work they accomplished. The sweetest part about them, is when I’m with either of them, they are always saying nice things about the other! My parents love each other beyond belief. I’ve always wanted a relationship like theirs. They are goofy and they make each other laugh. Even if my mom is playing her apps while they watch TV, my parents are always together, because that’s just where they want to be. My parents are the definition of soulmates, it’s clear to see, but even more clearly felt when you are around them.

It’s impossible to go out looking for your soulmate. As many have quoted:

“You don’t find love, love finds you.”

Love found each of my grand parents, and love found my parents.

True love isn’t perfect, it’s flawed and inconvenient at times, it’s hard and it hurts, but love is also perfectly imperfect, grateful and kind. Finding your soulmate is finding a balance within another person.

Falling in love with someone and spending your life with them, now that is one of our lifetime’s greatest adventure.

Basically, my latest artwork sums it up perfectly:

You’re the Peanut Butter to My Jelly
Amanda Kayla Liberty
2015

Happiness Defined

“To live in the present moment is the highest calling, the source of all happiness” – Naval Ravikant

I always come back to this quote, it’s beautiful and meaningful and mostly it’s a necessary reminder for me to focus on what’s truly important.

Lately, I’ve been very distracted. I probably often seem to be more interested in my phone than my surroundings. For that, I am sorry… because that’s the farthest thing from the truth.

I’ve always been the type of person to encourage everyone to live in the moment, seize the day, and be grateful. But mostly that they need to stop worrying about things that are out of their control.

I should take my own advice more often…

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been overwhelmed and disappointed about decisions I made in the past. I’ve been scared, and even angry at times, and it’s affected every inch of my life.

The truth is that I’m happy, I’m overjoyed with my life – the problem is, I need to start acting like it.

I’ve basically worked for 30 days straight now, yesterday being my first day off in a long time. I keep telling myself that because I’m so busy with my two jobs and school, I don’t have enough time to paint and write. In my defense I do try and use my free-time wisely, even if it means lounging on the couch playing my Xbox or watching Netflix. That time is important, everyone needs to unwind.

This is my happy place

However, I’ve been making too many excuses. If I truly wanted to balance my schedule properly and give myself time for painting, drawing and writing, I most certainly could. But often, laziness takes control of me and I truly just want to do nothing…

But time is our one resource that isn’t renewable, therefore we all need to use the time we have wisely. I need to kick my behind back into shape and make things happen for myself. Because I know that being creative, giving myself time and space to unleash the ideas I have buried in my head… that makes me happy.

Which is why this week I will be launching my new website which will feature all of my artwork that’s for sale, and a page for custom requests. As some of you may not know, not only do I paint, but I also do a lot of graphic design. So make sure to keep an eye out for the launch as I will definitely be posting it on my blog!

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in this incredible time in my life, and everyone who has shown immense support for my blog. I love you all – I can’t thank you enough.

AKL ♥

Ps. Last week I officially sold my first piece of artwork, here is “Messier 8”:

Messier 8
Amanda Kayla Liberty
2015